Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
