I wish I only lived at night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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