I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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