i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
