Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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