Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
