I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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