so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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