If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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