is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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