I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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