so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
