I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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