You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Your penis caused this!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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