Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
