Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
