Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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