Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
