her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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