the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
