Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
