The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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