when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
