LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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