im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
