she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
