Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
