hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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