3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
