Don't you send me to vm
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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