Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
