One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
