I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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