dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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