I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
