I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i already hear my dad disowning me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
