Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
