tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
