just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
