She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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