you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
