Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
