You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
