no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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