I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
