So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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