i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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