I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
