real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
