hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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