Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
