I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
