Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
