I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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