I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
