sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
